TOP 5: Problems caused by women
5) Fall of Troy That bitch Helen caused a war. Wars are bad. The war led to the fall of Troy. Oh, and a couple of Hollywood productions with some pretty bad acting. 4) All problems in Australia Julia Gillard. Need I say more? She’s bad. Tony Abbott told us from the start, but we [...]
Read More →THE SOIN: Gillard Cures Cancer in Spare Time, Approval Rating Plummets
Federal Labor reached a new low in the polls this week with the unmarried, female, atheist, red-haired immigrant Prime Minister’s approval rating dropping almost 10 percentage points after it was announced she had successfully developed a cure for cancer. Pundits have suggested this slump is most likely a result of the highly successful scare campaign [...]
Read More →Soin online-only Special: Positive Pete’s tips for wooin’ them sheilas
Martin ‘Pete’ Peterson-Dingbat knows how to woo them sheilas
Read More →BOB KATTER: WORLD UNOCCUPIED UNTIL ADVENT OF AUSSIES
Bob Katter has declared that the world was unoccupied until the advent of Australian society.
Read More →EXCLUSIVE UPDATE ON IRON THRONE ELECTIONS
The Soin brings you exclusive updates on Iron Throne elections.
Read More →Department of corrections – The Daily Telegraph believe in Ghostz
It’s time to take a master class from veteran Daily Telegraph reporter Richard Noone, who on February 18 had a story with the following headline published under the so-called ‘News’ section
Read More →PRESS RELEASE: USSC MERGES WITH HELL
The USSC finalises plans for merger with Hell.
Read More →RIGHT TO BARE ARMS
Historians have uncovered a typographical error in the United States Constitution that entitles all Americans citizens to a free wax.
Read More →POPE FRANKIE SAYS RELAX
Pope Frankie brings a breath of fresh air to the musty more-than-a-millenia papacy.
Read More →POTTER FANTASY BECOMES DARK ARTS NIGHTMARE
The magical world of Harry Potter becomes a nightmare due to the SU Quidditch Society breaking inviolable rules.
Read More →PRESS RELEASE: Menzies House Merges With Stormfront.org – Tim Andrews
Dear Soin readers, We are pleased to announce our merger with long-term partner Stormfront.org. Despite working together in the past on issues including white separatism, anti-rationalism, and Islamophobia, this is the first time the two organisations have worked together on financial matters such as server space and our fund for a white autonomous community. The [...]
Read More →
CONROY / MURDOCH JOINS THEM
Stephen Conroy unmasked as Rupert Murdoch by vigilante adolescent group.
Read More →PULITZER RECOGNISES THE POOR QUALITY OF AUSTRALIAN MEDIA, mX
mX frontrunner for mediocre Australian news awards.
Read More →
SOINRISE: Aussie bloke father a hero for destroying misbehaving young ladies, says Kochie
Transcript from the latest episode of Soinrise: how to fight the growing trend of misbehaving sluts.
Read More →OPINION: CHRISTMAS OVER AT THE ISLAND
We have always been an open and welcoming people, but like many countries around the world, we are now paying the price for our openhearted hospitality as mostly Muslim immigrants flood our shores and transform Australian communities into Arabian sultanates. This has led to an alarming new trend known as “white flight” and figures just [...]
Read More →COMEDIANS SEE NO LIGHT AT END OF NUCLEAR TUNNEL
Sydney University comedians have failed to make light of the impending nuclear apocalypse. Although North Korea has historically been the punchline of many jokes, SU comedians have decided that the potential millions of deaths is too grave for humour. “How can one make a joke about the possible annihilation of Japan and South Korea?” comedian [...]
Read More →USU PARTY REBRAND; STILL COLOSSAL FAILURE
A University of Sydney Union (USU) spokesman has defended claims that the re-branding of annual Manning party Beachball as a ‘thrift shop party’ is more than just a belated attempt to capture campus zeitgeist. Sporting a decidedly unprofessional leopard mink and garish green alligator shoes, USU CEO Andrew Wayward downplayed suggestions that the name change [...]
Read More →2013 FEDERAL ELECTION SPECIAL: TONY ABBOTT ETC.
Tony Abbott has cut short his tour of Sydney’s western suburbs to campaign for an immediate election in Victoria following the resignation of Liberal Premier Ted Bailieu. “It’s a matter of principle,” Abbott told The Soin, “this is now an illegitimate government.” “In politics, you have to be true to your convictions. You can’t apply [...]
Read More →MILITANT WINTER SPORTS GROUP REMOVED FROM SUSF
Sydney University Sports & Fitness club SubSki has been disaffiliated after university management discovered covert radical left-wing plots by the executive of the group. SubSki was formerly known for its skiing, drinking, and nudity. A spokesperson for SUSF noted that the group’s manifesto, which begins with “a call for the revolutionary redistribution of the means [...]
Read More →ABBOTT VICTIM OF DOG WHISTLE POLITICS
Today, opposition Leader Tony Abbott has become the latest victim of dog whistle politics after he was brutally mauled in a dog attack. A spokesman for Abbott claims that a mob of dogs set upon the politician as he left a press conference yesterday. “They were mostly minature poodles, shitzus and pugs, but they were [...]
Read More →Greens split from Labor, still fuck buddies
Greens Leader Christine Milne announced this week the Greens party would be splitting from their long-standing alliance with the Australian Labor Party, but would essentially still remain fuck buddies. The Greens, who have opposed Labor’s handling of several major issues including the recent mining tax mishandling, say they will still support Labor against votes of [...]
Read More →Poll: “Polls”, Polls
Today’s Soin poll on the latest preferred Prime Minister Newspoll poll shows that the public’s support for polls is dropping, in the wake of a spate of insipid, unconstructive and entirely irrelevant polls. Results of today’s poll show that voter satisfaction with constantly being polled and then incessantly informed of the results of polls is [...]
Read More →
Sydney Uni App
Honi Soit wasn’t satisfied with the University’s new app. So we made our own.
Read More →Campus Security: Week 2
It was about eleven o’clock in the morning, early August, with the sun shining, and I had a look of hard determination on my face as I patrolled the Quad. The lawns had just been mowed and I was waiting for the groundskeepers to put that rope fence-y thing back up. I scanned the sandstone [...]
Read More →Another Day, Another Drink with Dr Rupert Thorogood: Week 2
“But hark! What noise down yonder corridor does emanate? The sprightly footsteps of my love?”
Read More →Campus Security: Week 1
“I’ve already shaken things up a bit at the Security Office with my request for tear gas and tasers – let’s see you fuck with us now you ibises!”
Read More →TV Guide: with guest editor Gina Rinehart
10.00am The Bolt Report
Fair and balanced analysis from Australia’s leading buster of career-Aborigines.
An Open Letter to Gina Rinehart
“You have lifted this nation to become the world’s foremost quarry, and now we hope you will make just one more sacrifice, by buying our humble newspaper and delivering us from the crippling impoverishment of SRC ownership.”
Read More →Another Day, Another Drink with Dr Rupert Thorogood: Week 1
“I returned to my hovel and there I sat, like a scotch-soaked sponge pouring drink after drink until, like so many nights before, I vomited in the bin…”
Read More →Dear Diary: Batman
If the Dark Knight trilogy was meant to be about anger, then Diary, this entry is about disappointment.
Read More →Fashion crisis! What goes with mortar board?
Dr Anna Boucher, academic sartorialist, offers her advice on what not to wear under your gown.
Read More →Cartoon: Engineering Student
Ye shall know the Engineering Student by its beard. The beard’s colour, size, and texture is associated with sexual maturity, climate, and testosterone production; generally, the darker and fuller the beard, the healthier the Engineering Student. It makes the Engineer appear wiser and more fearsome, aiding it in confrontations with its primary foe: bar management. [...]
Read More →Cartoon: Law Student
The most distinctive aspect of the Law Student’s appearance is the Country Road tote bag that can commonly be found slung over its shoulder. Cutting this bag open will reveal a small tower of textbooks full of nonsense words like “mens rea”, “pari delicto”, and “defamation”. In fact, it was only when Country Road expanded [...]
Read More →Cartoon: Science Student
Lanky and awkward, Science Students can be identified by their emaciated frames and long, greasy hair. Their days and nights are spent doing three things gaming reading/watching/debating science fiction playing God Not much is known about them but they are feared for their great knowledge and strange screams can often be heard emanating from the [...]
Read More →Cartoon: Arts Student
The members of this species are all unique, individual, and completely indistinguishable from each other. They devote the majority of their time to subverting the dominant paradigm, a dangerous task that requires a high level of protective clothing; namely: skinny jeans, ironic t-shirts, Chuck Converse sneakers, and Buddy Holly glasses. They can often be spotted [...]
Read More →You know what I mean, ladies?
Election analysis with social and political commentator Kathy Lette (n.b – not actually written by Kathy Lette).
Read More →
I want to be a Superhero
They’re the self-appointed guardians of our streets, patrolling the suburbs and fighting crime. Rob Morrison embarks on a journey to become his own real life Superhero and discovers there’s something far greater being represented here than just adults playing dress-up.
Read More →The Garter: Lonely scientist proves love doesn’t exist
In what is being called a ‘radical breakthrough’, neuroscientist Michael Anderson claims to have proven there is no such thing as love. “You think there is, for so long, but now I’ve realised it’s all a lie. There’s no such thing as love. It’s all just chemicals in your head and your balls, tricking you [...]
Read More →The Garter: Witchcraft Levels Rising
The Holy Bureau of Statistics released their annual crime report today, showing that witchcraft has overtaken left-handedness as the most prevalent crime in Spain. The information holds disturbing repercussions for the future of Spain, the Spanish Criminal Justice system and the positive connotations of the word ‘inquisition’. According to High Inquisitor Torquemada, anyone found guilty [...]
Read More →The Garter: Infamous ‘Cancer Killer’ strikes again
Another innocent life was claimed last night when Petunia Meyers, 83, was killed in hospital. Police attribute the death to the now-infamous Cancer Killer, who left his signature calling card – cancer – in her body. “She was such a kind soul. We never thought this would happen to her,” said her oncologist Dr. Norton. [...]
Read More →
- Two of USYD's best footballers have been injured in a homophobic attack in Griffith: http://t.co/po4vi1jnrU #usyd
- During this year's USU election, should you vote based on a candidate's policy? http://t.co/1iHgzy6GJA #usudecides
- Poet Claire Nashar reviews the news http://t.co/osjso7xnBK
- In response to Tuesday's strike, students have started a petition calling on VC Spence to keep police off campus: https://t.co/pbJuVkZKgm
- Meeting now over. Life Choice issue unresolved. Pick up Honi next week for a piece on the RU486 pamphlet. #USUforum
- Rafi: if we're implementing CSR policy, we should also be responsible about the truth, particularly regarding scientific matters. #USUforum
- Life Choice President: Life Choice should complement the Women's collective. #USUforum #idontunderstand
- Penina Su: there was no open discussion between Life Choice and other USU members about the issues presented in the pamphlet. #USUforum
- Fahad Ali says it is problematic to present information on this pamphlet as fact when some of it is patently false #USUforum
- Alex Brown: if there are claims in the pamphlets that are demonstrably false, there should be consequences for Life Choice. #USUforum
-
Most Loved
Seymour Centre gets seedy posted on March 21, 2013
Obituary: Ralph Panebianco posted on May 15, 2013
USYD soccer players subject to homophobic attack posted on May 14, 2013
As the Dove flies posted on May 15, 2013
USU Board candidates’ boulevard of broken promises posted on May 15, 2013
